He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
