But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
