guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
