I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There's always time for handjobs
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
