peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
