So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
