Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The best revenge is premature balding
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
