What a fucking waste of an outfit
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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