don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
