they need to just BURY HIM!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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