Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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