you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
