Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
