As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
