I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
