Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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