A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
