I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
