Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
