Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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