Church boner. Awkwardddd
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
