8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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