i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
