Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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