just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
