I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
