the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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