there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
being pregnant is like rehab
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
