So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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