You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
