im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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