He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
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