I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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