Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
