hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
