Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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