ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
