Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
