When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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