Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
