We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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