I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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