you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
