shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
