who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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