Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
