The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
