who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
