I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
