so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
