3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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